I have too many girl parts!

My big problem with older houses is one that is luckily easily rectified: shower heads. Old shower heads just suck. Really, that's all there is to it. Generally they were originally good, but decades of mineral deposits and lack of attention leave them with water spraying everywhere but where you want it. Ours is no exception:


Luckily, I have a nice gooseneck hanging around, so I unscrewed the existing shower head and prepared to install the new one. And then I made my discovery: both parts of my equation are female parts.


So I fiddled around a bit and discovered that not only is the ring permanently attached and *female* but even if I were to just push it back I couldn't screw the gooseneck to the pipe because the pipe has a weird bulby tip:

I know what you're thinking and stop it.

Luckily I have a plumbing guru on speed dial. Fingers crossed for a speedy resolution so I can have a decent shower!